Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Maxxiage and Divorxe

Tucson, Arizona. Occasionally the guys over at Sonoran Alliance call attention to a story here, so I thought I'd return the favor. They are currently having some fun with Arizona's possible recognition of domestic partners in the sense of legal rights, insurance, and other matters typically provided for married couples.

My blood pressure doesn't move much on this one, but if it were my call, I'd resolve the whole thing by saying that if you want all of the legal entanglements and advantages now implied by all of the family law on the books, then get flipping married. I would then say it's perfectly fine for same sex couples to do it.

Shoot, I'd even let the gay folks join the straight ones in the ability to enjoy the pleasure of divorce and crucifying each other over the house, 401(k), dogs, and family photos, and why not grant them the privilege of the same legal fees our divorcing heterosexuals are permitted to incur?

Problem solved.

Wait. Some have a major issue with my solution. They turn color, twitch in their panties, and get very excited because my plan destroys the "sanctity" of marriage as we know it. Even though every aspect of the arrangement is identical, somehow the inclusion of a same sex couple creates Armageddon for a legal contract about as institutionalized as any can be. What's the threat?

Whatever. So to politically coat the pill equal rights proponents have to create "domestic partner" language that basically mirrors everything in the institution of marriage, except that it allows the paranoid "defenders of marriage" to keep their sacred word away from same gender couples while giving said couples equal legal protections and privileges.

I have a better idea. Take every single piece of law written for marriage, every single one, and everywhere the word occurs, replace the r's with x's.

Opposite sex couples get married.
Same sex couples get maxxied.

All laws across the board are identical. In case we have folks all bent out of shape about the sanctity of divorce, we could call it divorxe for same sex couples, and all the same rules apply.


Blogger Dustin said...


12/05/2007 7:36 AM  
Blogger Dustin said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

12/05/2007 7:36 AM  
Anonymous The Navigator said...

A truly brilliant post that perfectly captures the inanity of the entire issue.

I agree with Dustin. It's also hilarious. I'm still laughing.

Maxxied. That's just great!

12/05/2007 11:15 AM  
Anonymous the doctor said...

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Oh, God. That is too funny, and you guys should go over to that Sonoran Alliance thread. It's like 30 comments all significant and emotional.

It makes this post even more hilarious. HA!

12/05/2007 1:51 PM  
Blogger Dustin said...

yeah doc, I read that too, and it's pretty rich. Very heart felt discussion there, it's like somebody died. The picture of janet superimposed over the rainbow state flag was just icing on the cake.

Hell, we should make our flag look like that, and then arizona will be an economic powerhouse! gold will pour from the tap like so much oil from the arabian sands, and then we can all have 6 digit salaries and fly around in gilded learjets.

12/05/2007 3:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Succulent irreverence.

Keep up the good work.

By the way, your post about the prison labor is the best I have read on the subject. I've done time.

12/05/2007 4:59 PM  

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