Sunday, October 21, 2007

Critical Developments

In a news flash of vital importance, I inform my dear readers of recent profoundly significant developments:

1. Word is out that Dumbledore is gay. That some conservatives are upset by the revelation tickles me silly. Senator Larry Craig sent a birdogram to Hogwarts informing Dumbledore that the news makes it necessary to end their relationship. Craig insists that his time spent at Hogwarts was strictly limited to discussions on the practical application of witchcraft.

2. My football team rules. Don't even. My other team, due to roots of youth, Cincinnati, also won today. Cincinnati is better than their record. TR should be pleased with his team today, even though they aren't as good as Cincinnati.

3. The University of Arizona's football team's so bad they lost to my daughter's football team. When Stanford wins Palo Alto has to raid Milpitas for more alcohol, but only the students over 21 drink. At 19, my daughter has never had a drop.

4. Speaking of alcohol, the bit about astronauts drinking is stupid journalism. If I were about to pilot the controlled explosion of a bomb that really would rather just blow all at once all the way into space, I'd be sober and razor sharp. If I were a passenger about to ride a controlled explosion that wants to go all at once, I would consider smuggling a liter bota bag of Laphroaig inside my suit. Now that I think about it, even if I were the pilot, I would smuggle a bota bag of Laphroaig inside my suit, but I wouldn't have any until well established in orbit.

I am still amazed that the Russians took Cognac into space instead of vodka. There's something wrong with the fact that Cognac made it into space before Scotch, but I'd have to drink a lot to figure out what it is.

5. A graduate of my alma mater, Stephen Colbert, is running for president. When asked about his choice for Vice-President, he said he was considering Larry Craig, now that Larry isn't going to Hogwarts anymore, or himself, noting that the "Colbert-Colbert" ticket would be tough to beat.

6. A study sampling 7,473 adults (3,694 men and 3,779 women) has determined that sex is most enjoyable on Sunday mornings "when everyone else is in church." Couples who have Sunday AM sex once or more each month (followed by a good breakfast) were 47% more likely to report overall satisfaction with their romantic relationship and "life in general."

7. The GOP candidates for president have a debate tonight. The candidates will be asked to name their favorite novel. Romney, who has flip-flopped on a variety of issues including abortion, will flip flop on his favorite novel, which used to be Battlefield Earth. When campaign staff learned that his new favorite novel was going to be Nabokov's Lolita they pulled him aside. His favorite novel is now Mark Twain's classic The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Campaign staff has not disclosed Romney's favorite film, but a staffer who would not be identified has said that the film version of Battlefield Earth has been rejected.

Given Romney's self declaration as a lifelong hunter of "rodents and other varmints" the campaign has removed Leave it to Beaver as a possible favorite TV show. Captain & Tennille's Muskrat Love was scratched from the initial list of possible favorite songs.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the most influential political blog in the state of Arizona?

10/21/2007 8:14 PM  
Blogger Sirocco said...

Nah, someone's algorithm needs tweaking.

It _is_ the most interesting, however.

10/22/2007 6:45 AM  
Anonymous The Navigator said...

I concur with Sirocco, and political influence is not x4mr's objective.

x4mr,
This post is seriously funny. I laughed out loud on "birdogram" and the Sunday sex, but the Romney material is gut busting funny. The photo is a riot, and the "Leave it to Beaver" had me laugh harder than I've laughed in a long time. Thanks.

Anon,
x4mr is an individual. He follows his own drum.

10/22/2007 10:30 AM  
Anonymous the doctor said...

Ha! Ha! Ha!

(gasp)

The whole thing is funny, but Navigator is right about Romney and "Leave it to Beaver."

That is fantastic, the mockery of the "family values" thing tied to a beaver,

Ha! Ha! Ha!

(gasp)

and the idea that his initial list had Captain and Tenille

Ha! Ha! Ha!

(gasp)

You've made my Monday. I don't know a thing about political influence, but if this blog is important, the idea of right wing goons coming here and reading a post like this is "serious funny."

Ha! Ha! Ha!

(gasp)

10/22/2007 11:41 AM  
Blogger Dustin said...

dumbledore is not gay, he just has a wide stance.

Never underestimate the ability of the cats to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, yes, even the basketball team.

I never could drink scotch, or any other whiskey/bourbon. I'll stick to pine-sol and vodka.

I have long considered battlefield earth to be the worst sci-fi you could get. I will say this for it, after reading that crap, it made everything else so much easier to enjoy.

10/22/2007 2:24 PM  
Blogger x4mr said...

Dustin,

WTF is pine-sol? If you are talking about the household cleaning product, I am concerned.

10/22/2007 3:00 PM  
Blogger Dustin said...

x4mr

HA! no, i don't drink pine-sol. I was referring to gin (my wife calls it pine-sol, and it rubbed off I suppose).

10/22/2007 3:44 PM  
Blogger roger said...

Good lord, I am glad about the pine-sol thing Dustin. I have heard of people drinking rubbing alcohol and Robitussin DM, but...wow.

10/22/2007 4:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the most influential political blog in the state of Arizona?

10/22/2007 4:30 PM  
Anonymous Scarlett Letter said...

BUT..
The Red Sox are in the World Series!!

10/22/2007 7:57 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home



SOMETHING ELSE