Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Purity Pathology

Tucson, Arizona. For those that have an interest, on Friday evening the Arizona Baptist Children's Services group called the New Life Pregnancy Center is hosting a prom style "ball" for daddies and daughters to attend as a couple, dressed to the nines in formal clothing, and dance. The father and daughter exchange vows in a ceremony where he gives her a silver ring to wear. His vow: be a responsible daddy. Her vow: remain a virgin until she is married. She vows to be "true to her daddy."

The Arizona Daily Star ran an article on the event, noting a 24 year old virgin who will attend, stating, "I want to be a role model for the other girls."

I have a nineteen year old daughter. If she told me she wanted to marry a guy before having any sexual experience with him, I'd ask her if she were out of her mind. While it is possible, women are far less likely than men to be lousy lovers. Qualitative analysis studies have shown that men are over four times as likely to be inept in the sack as women. Make no mistake. A woman can also be horrible. I know a woman that, while physically attractive, exudes emasculating energy so powerful almost no one can be with her. A rapist with a gun tried to take her, and at the risk of getting shot she ripped into the guy verbally, remarking after he dropped his drawers, "No wonder you have to resort to rape, you pathetic. . ."

This blog does NOT advocate ridiculing the genitalia of a man holding a gun in your face, but it worked. Unprepared to shoot her and unable to rise to the occasion, he fled and she got dressed. Consider the situation highly atypical as this woman could bitch the chrome off a Harley Davidson.

Returning to abstinence, I've linked to studies showing that kids in abstinence programs have as much sex as those not in such programs, but they are LESS likely to use birth control because they are less prepared. Less birth control = more pregnancies. More pregancies = the scarlet "A," but that's not the subject of this post.

I am not advocating irresponsibility. In fact, I advocate the opposite, but as a society, we could not be more ridiculous. Our corporations bent on wrestling every possible dollar from teenage spenders pump them full of sexually suggestive content. Think Hollywood films (they know what draws a crowd), beer commercials (the boys don't drink until 21 of course), and the music industry and its videos? We expect them to spend their money as provocative ads suggest but not absorb any of the content? What a charade.

The marketing professionals understand biology. The abstinence crowd is not known for its command of science. They say things like "The devil put fossils into rocks to fool the faithful into believing evolution" and God put "star light in transit" so we could see the stars even though they're too far away for the light to have reached us yet, and the glaciers never happened. Let's not kid ourselves. If velociraptors were in the Garden of Eden, the Bible would be complete before the second chapter of Genesis.

Our children are far better served by teaching them how to make responsible choices and providing them the means to act on them. I accept and believe the notion that sexual activity prior to puberty is a grotesque violation that inflicts damage. I completely reject the notion that responsible sexual activity after biology has run its course (around 16-18) is violating anything. They're just doing what nature wants them to do. We should empower them to proceed in a way that is safe (in every way) and responsible.

Abstinence until marriage and biology had little conflict when people got married at seventeen. Waiting until thirty or later has become common. The abstinence until marriage conversation is obsolete, and pressuring these young girls with events like this ball and telling them they are "ruined" and "devoured" if they have sex before wedding someone is repugnant and unhealthy.

Apparently the 24 year old role model likes to wear a T-shirt reading, "Virgins are hot."

Think about that.


Blogger Dustin said...

of note is how this type of thing is almost always focused on young women alone. Also, I have never understood the whole "sex ed makes teens wanna do it" argument.

10/09/2007 11:15 AM  
Anonymous the doctor said...

"bitch the chrome off a Harley"

Ha! Ha!

That's great. I agree with you. Biology makes them want to have sex. They're called hormones, and yes, the event is almost sick.

Buffy the Vampire fans might recall a scene this girl says to Xander (or whatever his name was), "Does watching wild animals make you think of sex?"

Xander says, "I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum tile makes me think about sex."

Good story.

10/09/2007 11:28 AM  
Anonymous The Navigator said...

Starting with this story, I did not have children, so I don't have experience as a father. I consider it common sense that as children enter puberty they should be taught everything necessary to make responsible choices. They should know all about pregnancy, STD's, as well as the psychology and reality of it all. I imagine x4mr's daughter is very informed and knows the score regarding teenage boys.

I wanted to tell you that I watched Inland Empire. I hope Sirocco reads this. Your description of the film seems accurate to me, and yes, Laura Dern is just incredible. If you liked Mulholland Drive, Dustin, you will like Empire. Both involve Hollywood, but Empire cuts far deeper.

The first viewing of the film takes one as close to what it's like at the border as any film I've seen. The experiential flow follows different rules.

Imagine a flow of associative experience where the associations follow different logic and one has NO BODY. Intense.

10/09/2007 12:13 PM  
Anonymous the doctor said...

I want either x4mr or navigator to explain to me what the #$# about that movie. First, I do not get the bunny people AT ALL. Is Nikki rich or poor?

Were the bunny people on the television? Was the movie on the television? Was the girl watching the television watching the movie with Susan, or was she watching Nikki the actress?

Is the border between Nikki and the crying girl, or is it between Nikki and Susan, or is it between Nikki and the girl wearing the watch she sees in the record under the needle?

Who is the girl wearing the watch? Am I supposed to understand something about that watch? Who's the guy with the weird finger?

I get what happened after midnight, but what happened at 9:45? Was 9:45 in the first movie and after midnight in the second?

You guys can have the border. The film is three solid hours long, and I was completely confused in less than five minutes.

10/09/2007 1:30 PM  
Blogger Dustin said...

Doctor, you are the best. I felt the same way about lost highway. Mulholland drive for whatever reason was a lot more accessible to me. I have to agree with you on the border, from all description it sounds like a total mind %*&$.

I remember one of my buddies telling about being in complete darkness, and there was a voice behind him urging him to turn around and look. He said something about the voice inspired complete fear, and that turning around to see was the last thing he was going to do. I can live just fine without all that.

10/09/2007 2:44 PM  
Blogger Dustin said...

I forgot to add, as unappealing as a border visit sounds, curiosity is eating me alive. For me, if there is nothing for the mill to grind, it starts to grind itself.

10/09/2007 2:52 PM  
Blogger x4mr said...

You surmise correctly regarding my daughter, Navigator. She is razor sharp and very well informed, which includes mixing her own drinks and not leaving them unattended. She also knows that certain events are to be attended with loyal male friends along for company.

Hah! Doctor. I will give Sirocco and Dustin a chance to watch before I get into it. The bunny people!

Dustin, your friend's experience of sheer terror towards a voice he cannot see fits, but the experience does not have to be bad. The film is a perfectly safe way to simulate the experience. At certain places it comes very close.

While watching, notice a kind of mental disorientation and a certain confusion accompanied by odd sensations.

It's better than Mulholland Drive.

10/09/2007 4:40 PM  
Blogger thinkright said...

As a father, it is indeed important to develop self-esteem & self-worth in your children. My experience through college & as a 40 year old is that my friends (men & women) in college that were "easy" had terrible relationships with the other sex & still do to this day. Part of that was due to lowering their standards & lowering their self worth.
There were single men that worked for me (in one of my businesses) that would take a different woman home every weekend for ten years (that is 5000 women), they did not respect these women or feel that they were equal in any way what-so-ever. The women were simply objects to them.

All that visit your blog have different ideas on this subject; but I know that we can all agree that we should teach children to respect themselves & grow into adulthood with a strong self-worth.

You're right the corporate world & the entertainment industry is all sexed up, sex sells & I'd rather raise my children than leave it to them. Those pushing abstinence are honerable & they feel that they must show their presence to offset the enfluences of the Paris Hiltons, the Britney Spears of today.

10/09/2007 9:02 PM  
Blogger thinkright said...

typo on my math (50x10=500)

10/09/2007 9:18 PM  
Blogger x4mr said...


We're actually not far apart at all on this issue other than our opinions about abstinence programs.

The self-esteem / image issue is so important, but it's not about yes and no.

It's about the character to say the "right" yes (for the proper reason) and the "right" no (again, for solid reasons).

A slam dunk no is not genuine strength. Genuine strength comes from true choice, and that's what builds character.

I also know some of the "casualties" you refer to.

10/10/2007 7:18 PM  

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