Sarah Palin Blasts Academic Elitists

Sarah Palin has extended her war of words from those with the Wall Street Journal and other economists regarding US monetary policy to blasting university professors "in all fields" for practicing academic elitism and misleading Americans away from common sense values and understanding.

The condemnation left few areas untouched. Palin asserted that mutating bacteria strains and the frequent use of fruit flies in scientific experiments implied nothing about evolution and that the good people of America accept Jesus Christ and the fact that God created the heaven and the earth as described in the Bible.

Fossils, according to Palin, are simply interesting rock shapes and have nothing to do with the remains of former life on earth, and NASA is an atheist conspiracy to continue the fallacy of space, which does not exist, "The sky is just a pretty picture God gave us to admire."

Palin condemned mathematicians and physicists for deliberately confusing students with material that "never gets used" such as trigonometry, which has no practical application, claiming that "math people" seeking job security deliberately complicated the number pi with lots of extra digits, "Common sense people know that those digits don’t make any difference."

On Modern Languages and Cultural Studies, she declared that "speaking a language other than English is un-American, and everyone knows that Cultural Studies professors teach their students to hate America."

Palin’s financial advisors have suggested she run for president as it would provide lucrative speaking engagements and television gigs for herself and everyone in her family. Robin Leach, known for his television show, "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous," notes that a POTUS gig for Palin would easily generate tens of millions of dollars.

Palin is running in 2012, and if elected, she promises to make everything great for America by canceling all education after the eighth grade, "All that elitist stuff contributes nothing to the common sense values of God, guns, and country."