Thursday, September 16, 2010

GOP's Eager Tea Nominees

The Tea Party has caused considerable consternation for the Republican Party this election cycle by defeating establishment candidates generally considered more competitive in the general election this November.

"Not true," alleges Arizona tea nominee Biff Kayhole,"I am every bit as competitive as the slimy RINO I trounced with straight talk focused on the FACTS of the issues." Kayhole made national headlines by declaring that Barack Obama is the worst president in US history. When asked why this is the case, he replied, "Any communist Muslim born in Kenya has to be the worst president in history."

Kayhole is shown above at the Grand Canyon with models posing as family members in what also became the last photo taken of his dog.

Sarah Palin endorsed "Mama Grizzly" Nevada candidate Scrug Sneethin backs not only the elimination of the Department of Education, but the elimination of education itself, both public and private, "Education is why people become communists." When asked how society would obtain medical professionals to treat people who get injured or become sick, Sneethin replied, "That's God's work."

"Education is the problem," Sneethin asserts,"and Sarah Palin gets it, too. What we need is common sense, not the fancy words and high falutin talkity talk in their ibony towers."

Sneethin's cousin, Grog Snukkers, a tea nominee from eastern Kentucky, stands for the elimination of the Department of Transportation, the Environmental Protection Agency, the Food and Drug Administration, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the Securities and Exchange Commission, and all local police and fire departments, noting that "everything was fine 10,000 years ago when we took care of our own and didn't need none of that shit."

Snukkers also wants to ban air travel and Facebook.

Construction mogul Juss Shilly also shocked the Arizona GOP establishment by defeating their "sure thing" candidate for Congress. Shilly has it out for Social Security and Medicare, suggesting that they provide disincentives for people to be responsible, "Because of social security, people don't save, and because of Medicare, they don't care if they get sick. Think about it. They got no Medicare in Pakistan, Haiti, Somalia, Sudan, or Bangladesh. Their people don't get all fat and disgusting. They don't mess with cancer, and they don't get Alzheimer's at all, man."

The youngest tea candidate to dislodge an established GOP incumbent is Delaware gun enthusiast Kristy "Killer" O'Twiddle, also a Palin endorsed "Mama Grizzly." A single issue candidate, O'Twiddle wants to eliminate all firearm restrictions, including the prohibition of automatic weapons and banning guns for the mentally ill, children, or convicted felons. She also supports making it illegal to keep firearms from public places such as elementary/middle schools, high schools, university campuses, sporting events, courtrooms, or government buildings.

(O'Twiddle with her son and her Ruger P89) Other than her calling for the distribution of guns to prison inmates "for self-protection," her most controversial position calls for the elimination of the Transportation Security Administration and all airport screening activity.

Instead, she proposes that all airline passengers be issued fully loaded Ruger P89 9mm pistols, "If everyone is packing, nothing will happen, and the P89 is as solid and reliable as you can get. Feeds all ammo great, and perfect for combat. Most people don't know that the P89 is what the U.S. military really wanted before communist Obama intervened. The P89 is top quality. My only real complaint is the alloy grip does get slick."

8 Comments:

Blogger Sirocco said...

Funny post. I laughed. Then I cried.

9/16/2010 7:09 AM  
Blogger The Navigator said...

Quintessential x4mr and but gusting funny. Oh, god.

I'm with Sirocco. You laugh your ass off and then you realize the terror of the situation. The Republicans have danced with the snake and unleashed an avalanche of bat shit.

The photos are killer. I think the dog jumping off the cliff and the baby about to blow its brains out capture the moment as well as anything I've seen.

9/16/2010 8:14 AM  
Anonymous Observer said...

Hilarious. We really are losing it, aren't we? The Republicans are coming unhinged. Imagine what happens if they win.

Nothing can stop the physics of all of this. The tea party is old and white. They are dying off and what is replacing them is by default younger and more diverse.

The image of the baby is really unsettling. WTF is up with that woman?

9/16/2010 10:55 AM  
Blogger Pamela Jai Powers said...

Scary for sure. At first I thought this was real. Shudder.

Hopefully that poor dog was PhotoShopped.

9/16/2010 1:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish the physics could happen faster, Observer. This may have been a spoof, and its funny as hell, but it has a lot of truth in it.

Buff Hayhole = Ben Quayle
Scrugg Sneethin = Sharron Angle
Grog Snukker = Rand Paul
Juss Shilly = Jesse Kelly
Kristy O'Twiddle = Christine O'Donnell

Where O'Donnell is really out of her mind is sex. The woman led a crusade against masturbation.

9/16/2010 4:43 PM  
Blogger vincent smith said...

hi......i really like the picture of the baby with gun in his/ her hands.thanx for this nice blog .i rallu appreciate this section

11/16/2010 3:03 AM  
Blogger Gene said...

Please take the pic of the baby holding the gun down be for the anti gun people send in child protective service for child "in dangermant" ok!

3/14/2012 10:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow so many lib-tards in one spot ...what do they call a group of you idiots again? ...Oh yea welfare recipients! keep suckling Obama teets...communists

4/29/2013 4:51 AM  

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