The Second Shift

Berkeley sociologist Arlie Hochschild has an extraordinary book, The Second Shift addressing the street smart reality of what raising a family in the United States has become. Denoting the aggregate duties associated with parenting/homemaking, she examines how real couples organize to perform this function. Based on detailed observations over years, she uncovers rich and powerful distinctions including a solid, although ballpark, figure for its quantity, a solid month of work every year. For this job, and it is a job, she coins the phrase, "The Second Shift."

One of the first and most powerful distinctions involves each person’s “gender strategy.” Our family backgrounds equip us with a vast set of views as we start our own family, views about who should do what and how regarding the second shift. Naturally, the "traditional" gender strategy sees the man as the breadwinner and the woman as the homemaker/primary parent, a perfectly acceptable arrangement provided there is plenty of bread. The last decade’s gutting of the middle class has all but eliminated the traditional family with a stay at home mom.

Since both work, now what? Obviously, couples organize to handle the second shift, and here is where one’s gender strategy emerges. It is the framework inside of which one negotiates with one’s spouse the roles that each will play. Economic pressures do not change deeply embedded views about family, so many still retain the traditional strategy (both genders), hence the birth of the "Supermom" with the briefcase in one hand and the child in the other.

The "transitional" gender strategy recognizes the flaws of expecting an employed mother to shoulder almost the entire second shift. Note that control issues permeate all of this. Plenty of traditional women remain and don’t want men on their turf. Transitional men are more willing to really help. Transitional women are more willing to let them. Mom gets Johnny out of bed AM and dad puts Johnny back PM. She cooks while he sets the table and he washes dishes. Still, with transitionals mom remains the second shift captain. He goes to Safeway, but she wrote the list. He takes the kids to the Day Care Center – the one she selected.

The "egalitarian" gender strategy involves true gender neutrality and approaches the division of labor without regard for traditional gender roles. She may work longer hours to earn twice as much and drive the “good car.” He works part time and handles the diapers.

Sorry for the long set up, but now it gets interesting. Yes, we know our obvious opinions, but on the court in real time in real life, the gender strategy is almost entirely undistinguished, a vast sea of outlooks creating a framework for what we see and how we see it. A transitional woman, having worked just as long as her traditional husband that day, suppresses rage as he channel surfs while she struggles against exhaustion tending to the children. A transitional dad may do some laundry while mom has the kids at choir practice. When traditional mom gets back and sees the folded clothes, she is annoyed at the gross violation of turf, violently grabs her own clothes and refolds them, "Who taught you to fold a shirt?!!"

This never happens.

Consider how a traditional man with an egalitarian woman might play out, or an egalitarian man with a traditional woman. If you are married, can you identify your gender strategy? Don’t be so sure.

When I read the book and then played the tape, my marriage looked like one of the case studies. I am a transitional. I married a traditional who (I only learned years later) wanted to stay at home but never said so in a way that occurred as serious (she also wanted to lose weight, see Europe, look better..). She had a job, but she deeply resented having to work. We were doomed.

Hochschild’s work goes a long way in explaining what is crippling marriages in this country. Economics have forced mothers into the workplace with increasingly demanding jobs. They cannot handle the second shift alone, and couples must negotiate new ways of being a family. This book explores the real ways that this happens with real people. Those considering marriage, and in particular having children, should consider The Second Shift MUST read material.