Monday, October 19, 2009

New Planets Spur Questions

With the latest in space technology, human beings are now in momentum discovering planets outside of their own solar system. Just recently the High Accuracy Radial Velocity Planet Searcher found 32 more planets bringing the total number to over 400 found so far. "We are on the road," said Stephen Udry of the Geneva Institute, "The end of the road is finding life and other planets like our own, but we have to go step by step."

It is only a matter time, for while human scientists don't know it yet, two of the planets they have found do in fact contain sentient life, the Behoovians and the Meldikons. When fully discovered, the existence of other civilizations on other planets will present the humans with all sorts of intriguing questions regarding their world views. While the implications may be minimal to the consciousness focused cosmologies of the Dharmic religions, it presents more perplexing questions for the more concrete assertions of the Abrahamic religions.

For example, the notion of the son of God dying for sins committed does not apply to the Behoovians, who stopped sinning after economists proved that it was too expensive. Meldikon sin mostly occurs as cheating in games, traffic violations, and romantic infidelity (Meldikons have romance in threes (fqt, qtf, and tfq) the latter being notoriously promiscuous with other fqt/qtf pairs). It is believed that the Meldikon God, Nazzerath, does not find Meldikon sin particularly disconcerting. While Nazzerath fathered several children, the divine offspring remained in the godspace and did not take physical form.

Though reluctant to appear critical of the God of another system, a Meldikon spokesman would acknowledge that the crucifixion was confusing, "We cannot see any changes in human sin, and if we did, we remain confused that other methods were not available to produce the desired results."

In addition to the killing of divine offspring, beliefs differ considerably regarding an impending Armageddon. While it may be an entirely appropriate outcome for humanity, in terms of themselves, Meldikons question the objectives of such an event and the benefits available from a post-apocalypse reality.

Behoovians reject an Armageddon outright, "We’re not interested."

Meldikons feel that eternal suffering vs. eternal paradise is an excessive bifurcation given the complexities of consciousness and conscience. Behoovian economists note that the maintenance of such extreme conditions for the quantities of human souls involved would exhaust the resources of even the most robust Overlords, "Since consciousness continually reacts and adapts, to maintain such suffering or bliss would require ongoing modification and enhancement to sustain the psychological states. When you consider that over time, you might have to change the way you change, and then change the way you change the way you change, the math is ridiculous."

Regarding the age of the universe, no sentient beings other than some humans accept the view that it is only a few thousand years old. A Behoovian stated, “We have a well documented history with literature, art, photographs, other media, and archeological evidence that dates back 480,000 years. Clearly we find the idea of a cosmos younger than that problematic."

Both readily acknowledge that the religions of earth may be symbolic and written metaphorically, such as the creation of the world in seven days, "Perhaps heaven and hell are spiritual states one enters in the course of life depending on one's actions, perspectives, and beliefs. If that's the case, though, their God could improve the ability of some humans to figure that out."

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7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Deliciously biting humor.

What happens if when we finally meet conscious alien life, they're all Scientologists?

Sign me up for Armageddon.

10/19/2009 6:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilarious, especially the Behoovian take on Armageddon.

10/20/2009 9:45 AM  
Blogger Liza said...

I never really understood the crucifixion. It seems to be just a horrendously brutal way to kill someone and isn't the underlying message that we must endure whatever is done to us?

Yeah, people from other planets would find our religions quite strange.

10/20/2009 4:03 PM  
Blogger The Navigator said...

Very funny and insightful. While the Dharmic religions developed in a way that isn't highly impacted by the discovery of life on other planets, the Abrahamic religions rely heavily on historical beliefs inconsistent with a universe that isn't centered on humans.

Life on other planets will really throw a wrench into the system.

I think the Scientologists do believe in life on other planets.

I can already hear the conservatives howling about the immorality of Meldikon sex.

Imagine the seething teabagging if the Meldikons are Muslim.

10/20/2009 5:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

who stopped sinning after economists proved that it was too expensive

You think sin is economics? You know nothing about sin or spirituality. You also know nothing about the transformation brought about on this earth by Jesus Christ.

10/20/2009 8:32 PM  
Anonymous Mariana said...

Anon@8:32pm, you have absolutely no sense of humour. None.

10/21/2009 10:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anon 8:32 thinks those fossils and bones we find all over the place were planted there by liberals from New York.

10/21/2009 4:46 PM  

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