Saturday, August 20, 2011

Bachmann Wants $2 gas / Warns of Soviet Union

Supporting limited government and lower taxes, GOP Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann has called for government price controls to insure that gasoline stays at $2 / gallon, “If we get government out of the way and support the free market, supply and demand will reduce costs for everything.”

Bachmann also asserted that the most serious concern on the minds of Americans today is the resurgence of the former Soviet Union and its quest for world domination. Leaders in the various 15 individual sovereign nations that used to comprise the former USSR voiced confusion at Bachmann's assertion, “We remain very unclear as to how such a unification could proceed if in fact we could find anyone that wants to do it.”

In a Kazakhstan restaurant, former soldier Aleksei Stronokov choked on his vodka when asked about Bachmann's statement, “What a fu**ing idiot!”

11 Comments:

Blogger Sirocco said...

What a **ck*** idiot!

8/20/2011 7:42 AM  
Anonymous Observer said...

Perhaps Bachmann is responding to growing Russian support for a tunnel connecting the US and Russia under the north part of the Pacific ocean. Those commie bastards will use the tunnel to sneak vast quantities of vodka into our country and turn us into alcoholics. They will also spike the vodka with drugs that make people turn gay.

In reality, though, the tunnel idea was abandoned with they couldn't find anyone to pay for it.

8/20/2011 9:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good work, X4mr!!! excellent mockery. awesome derision.

Remember, Rule 5: Ridicule is man’s most potent weapon. It’s hard to counterattack ridicule, and it infuriates the opposition, which then reacts to your advantage. jab, jab, jab, no matter how pathetic the POTUS's actual performance, blame it on others. Especially if they are not atheists like us. We're progressing toward utopia, the single-class fairlyland possible only through advanced liberalization of all rules. Our ruler is right.

Rule 6: A good tactic is one your people enjoy. “If your people aren’t having a ball doing it, there is something very wrong with the tactic.” Wrap your blatant ridicule and severe hatred in humor. Ha, ha, ha.. Have your minions laughing all the way to the fortifications.

Rule 10: The price of a successful attack is a constructive alternative. Avoid being trapped by an opponent or an interviewer who says, “Okay, what would you do?” Five dollar gasoline, $7.50, hell, let them eat cake. Dumb asses fell for this shit; they've proven they need to be subjected once and for all.

And, of course, never forget:
Rule 11: Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, polarize it. Don’t try to attack abstract corporations or bureaucracies. Identify a responsible individual. Ignore attempts to shift or spread the blame. Ms. B is the root of all evil!

We need a comedy reel of Ms. B's major gaffs, asap. Ha, ha, ha..

8/20/2011 7:22 PM  
Blogger Liza said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8/20/2011 8:13 PM  
Blogger Liza said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8/20/2011 8:26 PM  
Anonymous Thomas said...

Anon was probably put off by x4mr's irreverence to the distinguished ORU institution and its well honed instructions for how to extract an abundance of cash and ass from the howling groupies. It makes sense that x4mr would do these two posts together within minutes of each other. What Bachmann said is just fine for the cast of kooks she is addressing.

Seen any of the zombies in the Day of the Dead type movies. These Jesus freaks are like that except they're brain dead and still walking, eating, watching Fox. They be SO STUPID they defy comprehension of the likes of us.

Really? How stupid be they?

They be so stupid they coughed up the cash when Oral Roberts went on TV and said that God would kill him if they didn't fork over $10 million. But they be even more dumb ass doof.

Impossible. You can't get more dumb ass doof!

Oh, yes. Oral Roberts went on TV and proclaimed that Satan himself, the Dark Lord in physical form, attacked him in his bedroom, beating him about the head and face, and was winning the battle. Satan was kicking the crap out of Oral, but then, according to Oral facing his flock on TV, he was saved when his wife entered the bedroom, brandishing a broom. Oral Robert's wife proceeded to bitch slap silly the Prince of Evil until he fled the premises.

They ate this up, cried and howled and praised the wife's broom.

So, you see, Bachmann's thing about the USSR and $2 gas is no big deal for the people who would vote her.

UP NEXT: Sarah Palin enters the race, telling a crowd of thousands that the image of Christ appeared to her in the syrup on an IHOP pancake, telling her that God wants her to President.

8/21/2011 4:46 PM  
Blogger Liza said...

Thomas,
That is some great context and I have to agree that Ms. Bachmann's statements are very appropriate for those she is speaking to.

It does seem that Anon's "Rules" above are a basic outline for the personal attacks that are a standard part of Republican politics.

Rule 5 - Ridicule - Example: Show President Obama in a photoshopped picture as a child of apes. Call it a joke. "Bwa ha ha ha, we was jokin', ya'll can't take a joke. Bwa ha ha ha."

Rule 6 - Wrap your blatant ridicule and severe hatred in humor - Example: same as above. Disrespect the President and the First Lady in every way imaginable and call it a joke. "Bwa ha ha ha. Ain't we funny? Ya'll can't even take a joke no more." And keep in mind that you can call President Obama any name you can think of except "nigger" because that would be racist. If anyone doesn't like it then it's because they have no sense of humor.

Rule 10 - Constructive alternative - No example because the GOP Tea Party does not do "constructive alternatives." Their interpretation of this rule is that you just give the same answer regardless of the question. Example: This week's answer is "Wake up. You can't save money by spending money. Don't make sense. Do the math."

Rule 11 - Identify a responsible individual - That individual would be President Obama. President Obama is responsible for everything that is wrong with this country, no exceptions. He's had since January of 2009 to fix everything and he didn't get it done. No one else is to blame except perhaps Nancy Pelosi. No one else, got that?

8/21/2011 5:28 PM  
Blogger The Navigator said...

X4mr's posts this weekend (plus the comments) say a lot about what I've been going through lately seeing the insane stupidity dragging this country into political and economic quicksand.

In perfect fashion, the Anon troll projects onto his foes those elements about which he is so familiar because they are in fact (as Liza notes) the very elements used by those he supports. He is telling us exactly what he does.

The Republicans have descended (x4mr warned us over two years ago) into the snake pit with the vipers of extreme xenophobia, religious extremism and intolerance, and blind economic faith in ideas long since refuted. It will be interesting to see what happens to Huntsman who broke with the loon stampede and had the gall to acknowledge global warming and evolution.

8/21/2011 7:10 PM  
Blogger Sirocco said...

I pondered Anon's rule #10 over the weekend, because something struck me as wrong about it, but I wanted to get my thoughts in order before posting.

In general, he's right - when offering criticism it should also be accompanied by some constructive alternative. However, while this is true for managerial types providing criticism to those who report to them (or peers), or when offering criticism to friends, or even for certain professionals to individuals in the proper setting (doctors to patients, teachers to students, etc.), none of these really apply to Congress.

The entire purpose of our representatives is to develop, propose and debate solutions to the issues which face us. That's why we hire them through the election process, and ultimately how we, the people, critique their performance (via re-election or ouster). However, in general we have no real managerial, professional or friendly relationship with our representatives (there are exceptions of course, as every representative does have friends and family members, but they are minute percentage of the electorate for any individual candidate).

As such, we are free to criticize (and, ultimately, judge) without a corresponding responsibility to provide alternatives.

Having said that, I would certainly note the obvious alternative to claiming the ability to do the impossible (I.e., bring back sub-$2/gallon gas prices ) is simply to not make impossible promises.

8/23/2011 7:48 AM  
Blogger Liza said...

Sirocco,
The obvious alternative to 2$/gallon gasoline, which is not going to happen, is to be able to see past the next three days. In other words, actually look ahead to the future and give some serious thought to the kind of 21st century transportation systems that we should be building right now.

However, Ms. Bachmann is speaking to low information voters, many of whom really believe that abortion and gay marriage are the real issues facing the nation.

Offering Ms. Bachmann and her ilk a constructive alternative just brings back that "old saying" about teaching a pig to sing - you cannot do it and it annoys the pig.

We're better off using our energy to look for voters in that vast sea of undecideds and independents.

8/25/2011 6:57 AM  
Blogger Sirocco said...

"Offering Ms. Bachmann and her ilk a constructive alternative just brings back that "old saying" about teaching a pig to sing - you cannot do it and it annoys the pig.
"

The above recalls the following quote, which could certainly be applied to Ms. Bachman:

"On what planet do you spend most of your time? Trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table ... I have no interest in doing it." - Barney Frank

8/25/2011 7:43 AM  

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