Sunday, June 24, 2007

Stephen Colbert's Better Know A District

Tucson, Arizona. If I had time, I’d watch more Jon Stewart (the "Barack tones" video is hilarious) and maybe even Stephen Colbert. Colbert's interview with CD 7's Raul Grijalva ("That would make me very uncomfortable.") about the mustache was serious funny and still has me in stitches.

I have a request for our Congresswoman. Prepare for Colbert. Should he get to Arizona CD 8, know that Colbert will come from outside the box. You don’t have a mustache, so he will find its equivalent. I am trained in thinking outside the box and consider it safe that Colbert does not read this blog, so I will offer possibilities to anticipate. It will be irreverent, humorous, and designed to catch you off guard and talking about something stupid:

1. You are engaged to an astronaut, is that right? Would you like to be the first woman to have sex in space?
Dignified answer: My job gives me more important things to think about.
More aggressive answer: How do you know women haven’t already?

2.Have you thought about having sex in zero gravity? Do you think it would be better?
Dignified answer: Again, I’ve given it no thought. If he persists with Well, think about it now cut a sharp look and snap, "Next question."
More aggressive response: I'm too busy to think about that, but clearly you've had time. What's your speculation?

My suggestion: do not discuss sex in space with Stephen Colbert. During the entire interview, have the "Next question!" snap armed and ready to shoot.

3. Does your boyfriend wear the diaper?

4. If you cheated on your boyfriend, do you think he would wear a diaper to drive across the country? Have you considered this when thinking about cheating on your boyfriend? (Note the clever semantic move.)

5. You are new to Washington. Have you ever gotten lost? Are you afraid of getting lost? If you did get lost and called your boyfriend for help, would he wear a diaper?

6. You sponsored a bill to preserve a trail? Have you ever seen the trail? How many times have you walked the trail? Now, if your boyfriend were to walk with you on the trail. . .

7. You stand for solar energy. So you like the sun? You want your district to be the persian gulf of solar energy. Are you aware that the sun causes skin cancer? Do you want your district to be the skin cancer center of the country? Do you know anyone who’s had skin cancer? Do you support skin cancer research? What have you done about skin cancer? Have you read the study on skin cancer and the use of diapers?

Colbert’s team will examine bills sponsored or supported and positions articulated and seek ways to suggest you have no idea what you are doing. Clearly you are smarter than most, but I haven’t seen enough to get a more accurate reading. The safe move is to remain dignified and stay sharp enough to avoid looking ridiculous.

If really sharp, the aggressive option is to dance with Colbert at his own game. Colbert went to my alma mater (Northwestern), and he is good at what he does. To dance effectively with Colbert requires the real thing.

The footage will be posted on blogs. Grijalva was posted at ThinkRight’s place.


Blogger thinkright said...

Right on! transformer, we agree on something.
Tell all your pals to get her to do the show. I contacted her people last week about it. \
Thanks for mentioning me again. I promise to mention you someday, but I have a short attention span and your essays are a tad too long for me.

6/24/2007 9:08 PM  
Blogger Liza said...

Yeah, I checked out that link to ThinkRight. I'm not sure that mentioning your blog here will generate traffic, ThinkRight. You and your blog partner, "gopboomergal" start out just putting down Rep. Grijalva and end up talking about how good looking you are. Very impressive (not).

6/25/2007 7:47 AM  
Anonymous the doctor said...

Ha! Ha! Ha! The thing about the diaper and driving across the country was great!

If Colbert does get to this district, the diaper thing is very predictable. I don't know if Colbert would use the sex material. Since she is young and fairly good looking, it's definitely an option.

6/25/2007 11:05 AM  
Blogger thinkright said...

Sorry the Colbert interview expired and ain't linked through my site anymore.

7/03/2007 8:43 AM  

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